Endings
By Charles Martin | August 27, 2010
In the Charles’s list of life rules, I have one called “allow endings”. I stole most of these from @jack at twitter, but I agree with them wholeheartedly. I posted them way back when as a direct challenge to myself, of course.
What I’ve realized in selling as long as I have is that people don’t like endings. We are wired to be attached, groom, and be loyal. It’s hard to end things when you’re any of these.
But it’s imperative we do.
In sales, we have to let go of the duds. The folks who aren’t buying.
In life, we have to keep our roster lean and mean. To have enough time for the important ones in our lives.
In close relationships, the one we fail at most, we tend to go much longer with a bad fit. Do we learn? Do we go there again? I see this happen to friends. I have done this too but don’t any more. Burned once, always to be burned. It’s not true. It’s not the way it really works and it’s because no one is the same. You might attract similar people and that has something to do with your side of things. But overall, there isn’t a “club” of guys out there to always burn gals over and over.
In business overall, it’s important to let go when the place you’re in is not working for you — or them.
I will say that almost every time I’ve let go, I’ve found the results to be so overwhelmingly successful and great for my soul.
These bad connections are like rusty anchors at the bottom of the ocean dragging us down bit by bit.
Cut the chain.
Swim away.
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Humility
By Charles Martin | August 16, 2010
As my birthday passes this year, I want to spend a short stint on humility.
It’s a hard one.
I came from the same 60′s and 70′s when your parents were right and you were always wrong. Problem is, we aren’t smart enough to figure out what a recipe for disaster this is. This doesn’t work in the real working world of 2010. I know in fact that most of the altercations we ALL get into are based on trying to be always right and in that many times judgemental. Feelings can get permanently hurt through this.
I’ve tried swallowing this pill my whole life and it’s been a booger.
But I think I am getting her handled. That’s the good part of “old” age.
I was thinking recently about my Charles’s Life Rules [#5] that if I could just get the ability to swallow the bad stuff (saying your peace and letting go, admitting fault before it’s even noticed, being truly sorry) and go forth with the intent to be better and having learned, I would have won the day. I screw up minute by minute. but I also conscientiously work on prevention too.
That means it’s working.
It’s funny, we (1) start our days usually headed to the office but not before we are barraged by the ones we love (child/pet/spouse) needing what they need to start their day, then we (2) do finally arrive in service to our office masters and clients, please them as best we can, we (3) go home, do a 2nd version of the morning and make another fifty personality driven decisions the best we can. All that is intermixed with (4) stints at retail and public establishments by phone/email where we also do a lot of people managing.
The cards are seemingly stacked against us.
You just can’t have a 1000 batting record in this department unless you’re a monk that says three words a month.
Some of us are just plain awful at it and get worn out by it. Some of us cope but seem to be always catching up. Some of us are really good. As my other post noted, I’m on the upswing of all that and feeling like the learning curve is helping and producing new growth. I feel like I serve my fellow humans well enough by finding that happy medium when we can. After all, you can’t be a doormat. And you can also be truly and awfully sorry about something and you will find that many times that certainly it’s not enough for the other participants.
That’s ok. That’s what old age is telling you and me. It’s stunning me in fact and I am catching myself saying “that’s why age has meaning…” You can truly become more introspective if you just let it happen. That’s a good thing for A types like me.
I know you are feeling a lot of times that you play so honestly along the rule trail that when you’re dogged and lied to or treated unfairly, you want to just quit. This is how we all find our destination in life. We are always swallowing the bad stuff and deciding, in micro seconds, how we want to react to what just happened. Before we get that done, we already have many more of the same reactions needing attention. Then we just get ….. backed up.
That backed up feeling is the one where you say “I hate this life, I dislike that person, or I’m leaving that job”.
It’s coping. The solution to a better way is — I believe — driven by humbleness. Some people call it “building character”. And I agree, but it all can be defined as your base of humility.
Success ::
If you are willing to let go of the quick win, you’ll find that the longer, harder to acrue deep wins are way more productive in your personal and work life. Sitting down with someone on a misunderstanding and clearly copping to your end of it, will drive the success story. Also, I think leaving an ending that clearly shows your intent to move on and clear things up is important. This is not to be confused with an “F-U” that is one sided. I am talking about saying “…it’s ok if you don’t agree with me and I still appreciate and respect what brought us together in the first place…”
Before you chuckle, understand I think I will never learn this 100%. If I did, I wouldn’t be human. I am seeing some new light beams and I wanted you to have the privilege of it — it’s simply that.
In business, you might not be brought together but for only a transaction that requires you to be working with someone. If you know upfront this person isn’t a good match for you, then it’s always ok to mutually agree that the transaction that benefits both of you requires cooperation and then set the tone for some type of success. Mutual success. You don’t have to marry people just to agree and get something accomplished. I use this one a lot lately, but I think Peter Bregman has it right. Use “their” power to solve your mutual problem. This is a cousin of humility.
These are the people we call “easy to get along with”. And when you’re easy to get along with, you find that the [really] challenging people in your life will tend to listen better. You may not go as far as you want and that’s the humility part. The part you let go of. You also might think you’re easy to get along with, but if you’re not doing well in the smooth transactions department, you might not be.
Btw, have you ever noticed that someone you think is difficult can be mega-loved by others? So, are those other people really that much different than you or are they just managing the relationship better?
Think about it.
And don’t let them get your bonus check because they might be.
Be happy out there.
Topics: Mind and Planet | 1 Comment »
Volunteering
By Charles Martin | August 11, 2010
As to the earlier post about rebuilding, I decided the other week that my expertise in bureaucracy and red tape needs to move to another square. I have no experience in the military but my uncle died @19 in non-war service, my grandfather was wounded in WWI, and my father served with dignity for 14 years in the Air Force.
So I decided to give my red tape scissors a little exercise at the local VA. I plan to get inside the forms and paper laden area where I can be buried for my volunteer time and listen to an ipod (maybe) while I figure out why an application for a new leg has been on someone’s desk for too long.
I’m not picking on the VA. I guess I could work at the DMV for free, but what fun would that be?
Scratch that.
The DMV could/would be fun. Especially since I could turn down all those fake handicap plate applications. You know who you are.
Never the less, if you know ANYONE associated with the VA, please forward them my email. I am on a track right now to get some volunteer time in the LA office, but I want to fast track all major forms so I can do this pro-bono outside the actual entity at some point. I am not trying to skirt any laws or make anyone seem inept. I know those people are doing all they can with the little they have.
If I can get one returning soldier or veteran into some sort of “better”, I’ll be better. Period.
Kapeesh?
Really.
Please send this to ANYone related to the military that may know a person in need or a Cally VA office less a few helpful bodies.
~~
You’re not off the hook so quickly.
Ever thought of just blindly taking the time you don’t already have and giving it to someone else? I’d be real interested in speaking with you about what volunteering opportunities I think would fit your bucket. In fact, if you’re in that rut I mentioned, you’ll find that this will be a great rut-changer.
Forget the time problem. It’s a given. So what? Whomever you spend time with, will have no time to die, no time to wait on the phone for a new leg, or no time to make a meal you could deliver.
This isn’t for babies.
It’s for you and me.
We rock.
Topics: Greats in business, Odd file, Read this | No Comments »
Rebuilding
By Charles Martin | August 11, 2010
[written with "Faithfully" by Journey blasting]
This has been one roller coaster of a summer.
But looking at 45 in four days I know it’s all for a good reason.
Like any good sports team, we all have rebuilding years.
Thankfully my front office is solid. That’s the key. You will make a lot of decisions in your personal life but the few that really matter relate to the front office:
Spouse. How you raise your kids. Homestead. How you manage the beans.
Get that in order and you can sustain a cat 5 hurricane.
The world is fine tuning it’s approach to me. I have to reciprocate and act in kind. It took me a few extra months (years) to realize this but I finally did. The world is also adjusting its grip on a lot of older people in my life this year and that always causes a change downstream.
Do you have ruts where you think you’ll end it in a few days and come to find out, you are still in it in five years? I haven’t done that bad at life, but close and I sure know how it feels. Lots of my friends and colleagues are in flux right now. It seems like a few years ago we thought we were holding on to lighting in a bottle. It was as if life had no limits (lord knows our credit cards didn’t) and that we’d ALWAYS be here.
You know?
45 says I’m probably half over and maybe even 2/3ds over. I’m a healthy guy today, but there’s always tomorrow.
45 can wake you up. If you’re willing to listen.
I look at life a lot differently than most and I’m certainly not afraid of death or what might or might not lurk on the other side. In fact, I’d say I rank as high you can go in the no fear department. Even after kids. It comes from the years of facing death on the walk home from middle school and being a latch key kid. I’ve seen all you can bring to your scare table. It’s a weird thing I know, but true. I’m not insensitive to those that suffer or to those that have lost. Quite the opposite. But that’s the love department, not the self-realization department.
I am running the St. George Marathon (see training rehash on right sidebar on this blog) in October and I’d have to say, that if not for the do or die decision I had to make a few months back related to training and preparing, I wouldn’t be blogging with you about how it’s gonna be an all-out good year after all.
What brings you to commit with your heart and soul to 50 miles of weekly training and getting that serious new personal record time also rides in the same part of your brain that houses the ugly rut department. You see, getting off your tail to train, to quit that job, to quit drugs or booze, to divorce that gal, or to ask him to marry you usually comes from a visit in the rut department.
You either wake up or you don’t.
We all know the sleep walkers in our lives.
They think they’re Teflon and they don’t see the pain they inflict on their loved ones. Or maybe they do. But sometimes their rut is so deep there is nothing we can do but give them the love we reserve for such situations.
I’ve slept walk.
Not good.
Luckily the people in my life had love in reserve.
Maybe that was you.
Thank you.
This stuff happening right now in my life has been appealing in a lot of ways. I’ve also been able to ferret out the ones that matter. There are those that you always think will be there for you. Then they’re not. We’ve all got busy lives and to be sure I am always ready to add more lives into the fold. But I am also as easy about cleaning house. This isn’t a rag on someone I know. This is a mirror check on what Blair, Jo, and Natalie called “The Facts O’ Life”.
“…..you take the good…. you take the bad…”
You’re rebuilding?
Yep, sure am.
Feels good don’t it?
I checked real hard and I know I need changing. I am always going to be in the flux department and so are you. But what we do while we’re there is important. I apologize if there’s anyone of you that might have been mistreated or ignored.
I’m not solipsistic about things.
There’s not enough hours in the day, especially when you’re a stay at home dad and working at the same time. But I do care and I do remember I owe you that call, that document I promised to edit, that lunch where I mention your name to a big whig.
I’m on it.
If you find yourself trying to figure out who you are all the time, don’t ignore it. Know you are always going to have those questions and you will NEVER find the ultimate answer.
It’s what life truly means.
There has to be balance. If you’re good in the meat department, you will have a deficit in the produce department. You get what I mean.
The people I meet who are always in search of some perfect life will never find it. I have to remind myself I already have it and I can add more good things along the way.
The seeking and living is the best part.
See you ’round the trail….
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Terranea
By Charles Martin | July 22, 2010
Went to this place right before the 4th.
Interesting. A museum to the go-go “aughts” that we all lived through recently. Big nice resort slung along the craggy coast of Palos Verdes near what Angelinos call “the south bay”. Word has it that one of the big guns that left Starwood has the $500M note on it. Desperate times. Cheap rates for the time being. Go get it.
In those same go-go aughts, we went to a lot of these types of resorts. My fave being Hualalai on the Kona coast big island style. Terranea wants to be that place. Someday it might. The polish isn’t there. The Four Seasons allure and hushed quiet delivery of basically everything you do isn’t there.
The main difference between an acme named resort (anything without a badge of luxury) and a Four Seasons or Ritz Carlton is just like the difference between the sound proofing being much thicker and what I call “small edges”.
You see, just (NOT) like you, I look along the baseboards as I walk around and I notice if the team got the small stuff. At the Four Seasons, they always do. At places like Terranea they are too busy paying the bills to get there. I notice how many little kid band-aids I see along the edge of the pool. The other guys never miss them.
I digress.
The visit was good. The restaurants ok. If you stay more than 48 hours, you get bored with “Nelson’s”. It has the veiw and firepit. It also has a wait staff that is primarily “college I don’t care”. Lots of waiting around to get some simple food. But gosh oh mighty do you get a twing if you like or have anything to do with “Sea Hunt” and Mike Nelson’s travails as a scuba diving special-guy. I loved that show. My brother did too. I sent a bunch of the picture of Mike to him while I was there. We then watched a bunch of Hulu when we got home. The old “Marine World” was situated on this same craggy coast years back and Sea Hunt used the aquarium for lots of underwater work.
The main bar was nice and twinkly with jazz but VERY expensive. A single espresso is $5. Watch for the double $10 one. Whiskey neat $20.
I digress.
The boy lost his favorite bear there. Put between the sheets to keep kid bro out of it. I did my major topple everything in the room before I cleared out but never got between the sheets on his separate bed. Awful but a lesson we had been trying to teach on all things that want to come out of the bedroom and follow us around. This time, we gave in and of course catastrophe!
Called. Emailed. Dug around and called the basement departments. Almost drove there to get into myself. Got a nice connection to the GM and she worked hard in all areas to find “Remy”.
No dice.
Got a card today with $50 to ToysRUs. Not the same but a very nice gesture. The boy can have his favorite bear replaced…. or maybe a new DS game. So, I’d say try Terranea. For LA, it’s the best place to get away without driving 2 to 5 hours for Santa Barbara, Big Sur, San Diego, or north.
Other parts not to miss: The bird wrangler. He has a golf cart loaded with a Hawk, an Owl, and a few other predatory birds. Keeps the roofs clean ya know? The pool for kids is good. The slide so-s0. Runs along the paths are good but the first time you will keep it slow. Then go out again and get it on. Food? Like I say, pretty good. They had a seafood buffet one night. Dunno how that makes them an “eco resort” — lots of waste of seafood and mini-desserts — but it was good, especially the King Crab. (RIP – Deadliest Catch guy…)
My bet is on the DS game.
Topics: Big biz, Greats in business, World Travels | No Comments »
TED Talks: Chip Conley
By Charles Martin | June 24, 2010
I love TED Talks and could probably spend two weeks watching all of them. I ran across this really good and interesting talk Chip Conley gives on deciding what “counts” and what to count and what in life is worth the focus. Boy, this is a good time for me to consider the subject. How about you?
I have read his book “Peak” and have stayed at numerous different Joie de Vivre hotels.
Check it out. And then peruse TED if you haven’t before. Really good stuff.
Topics: Big biz, Greats in business, Mind and Planet | 1 Comment »
Journey “Faithfully” video
By Charles Martin | June 19, 2010
Boy, I remember trying my damnedest to have the mullet of Steve Perry like in this great video. Those were THE actual days my friend.
Topics: Mind and Planet | No Comments »
The value of boredom
By Charles Martin | June 17, 2010
Peter Bregman has an interesting post in the Harvard Business Review Blog about the value of boredom. Check it out.
Topics: Mind and Planet | No Comments »
10 Steps to my dream airline.
By Charles Martin | June 9, 2010
The Donald tried it.
Sir Richard is trying it.
I’d like to try too.
My mother-in-law came into town last weekend and we went through the whole wheelchair at the gate, Southwest bit. Now, I like Southwest and I don’t agree that it’s like cattle. I could care less. I think you have to respect the fact that they have profits in a land of giant nuclear sized land mines. They don’t charge for bags [yet]. They try to be good. I used to watch the reality show starring Southwest. So, even they had issues.
My dream airline is this:
- Prices that make me a fair profit but COVER MY COSTS. If that’s a $500 ticket from LAX to SFO, then so be it.
- Extra flight attendants. If the FAA says three minimum, I’m at four or five. Happy people. Haven’t worked in an airline? Great. You have? Sorry.
- Great — not good – healthy food. I will go to the Cordon Bleu and ask their brightest students to offer up great meals that will serve people on 45 minute flights or five hour flights. I might ask you to do it for a very low cost, but you’ll be famous because right before meal time I will let you have 10 minutes of time on the screen to tell us why you are so great and how you came about creating the meal on the carts.
- Non-obtrusive service. As Sun Tzu says in “The Art of War” it’s the Art of Essence. The Houston’s model. What people DON’T see is the most important.
- No bag costs. No food costs. No nickel and diming whatsoever. In fact, one of my first marketing gimmicks will be to go through the aisles and say “We will collect everyone’s wallet before take off and if you try to pay, you will have to go on a date with our ugliest flight attendant!” [which we won't have]. Then I’ll send a beautiful flight attendant through the aisles with a tray to pick up any wallets anyone will give. Otherwise, I’ll say keep it closed.
- Money back guarantee. If a weather or FAA issue slows us down, then sorry. But if you think my gate agent sucks and she treated you like your 3d grade headmaster, then your money back. I might also reserve the right to black list you from my airline if I think you are milking us. After all, no one wants to fly with you again anyway! It’s our way to clean the air of nasty airline passengers. Go back to US Air.
- Ground people that greet me at the door. Lots of them. No one old gal with a clip board that can’t handle the mass. A dozen good looking college students with great attitudes dressed in great stuff I buy. I will also station another dozen in the bag claim and at capture centers where we will make sure that ANY need (maybe a restaurant suggestion or holding of your garment bag — who cares?) is met. Except sex. These people will be called “Charlie’s Gang”. The Skycap or Redcaps will have something to definitely worry about. I love Skycaps but it’s an old model and the airlines and airports hate them now. I don’t say that. A Skycap told me that.
- Good pay. I am charging enough to cover costs, but also pay my people. Good pay = stickiness. If that good looking college kid in my cool clothes gets spit on for eight hours, she may not leave.
- Follow up. Calls and emails (your choice to opt-out of course) to see if your next flight is in need of booking or simply “……how did the meeting go Mr. Jagger?”
- Your entry here.
Topics: Greats in business | No Comments »
New Haircuts
By Charles Martin | June 9, 2010
Sorry I’ve been off the ball lately — working hard like a boy should.
I was getting in the car today in a part of LA that is 15 miles from home. I had been thinking that I’d call my hair stylist on the way home and try to “sneak in”. She hates it when I do that . Nice salon. Been there for years. Part of a big brand that I’ve been loyal to for more years. Do a lot of business gabbing with the owner and I like her. But then I saw a new looking salon across the street. So, I plugged in more quarters in and jay-walked to see how it checked out. [I can do that b/c Pasadena got me on a jay-walk recently for $ and I have loaded my jay-walk bank I figure].
I viewed and smelled the scene from afar and then closer and closer. [yes, smelled. salons can't smell like old ladies. they need to smell like cool product] I decided by the modern look and feel, I’d go in. There was a few signs welcoming walk-ins too.
Met a guy at the counter and he took me in right away. Anyway, the appointment went well and my baldness was masked and abated for another four weeks. The guy was cool. The haircut pretty good. The owner also cool. She took my notes on a few of my old tricks like “pay what you want” and we discussed in detail how Groupon worked.
Boy, well worth the effort.
My point of this post is that old thing I harp on all the time.
GET OFF YOUR PLANET.
Basically every success I’ve had has been the result of a planet departure. Sometimes you go for a day. Sometimes you go for a long time and never come back. But you gotta continue to go.
Someone I know recently said “Charles, you HAVE to be friends with and know everybody!” I’m glad he said that but it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Those that get me say “Charles, it’s not the money in the sale that drives you, it’s the sense of the kill and the resulting experience”.
Exactly.
I didn’t set out to kill and drag home the info I wanted on Groupon, but it came about because I did what I always [try to] do — be nice and ask questions. When you ask questions of people, it shows you’re a freaking human and you might care what they have to say. If they have nothing to say, then there’s no loss but you’ve exercised your manners.
I may never see that salon owner again, but I do know that she will have a “pay what you want” event next Tuesday and do well by it. It’s so much better to trade information than pay for it. It was our secret little barter. That’s exactly what I do. It has nothing to do about knowing everyone. Of course those folks are always the ones that call you to get a connection they need. LOL
The people that annoy us the most in life are those people that don’t get out and see what the other side is doing, especially if you have. If you’re like some I know and you get yourself tangled in a political brawl or a sports team brawl, it’s probably because you – or they — haven’t seen what the other side has done, smelled, felt, and seen with their own eyes. While these types of conversations are at least 1/2 emotionally driven, you can come out cleaner and smarter by having a sense of opposing EXPERIENCES. Notice I didn’t say VIEWS. I can have very intelligent conversation about Groupon now which I need for current business. At 3:35 I couldn’t. Sure, I could have Googled it, but a first hand in person account is something Google can’t replace. [thank goodness]
Get out and scare yourself once a week. I guarantee it will pay off.
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