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Rebuilding
By Charles Martin | August 11, 2010
[written with "Faithfully" by Journey blasting]
This has been one roller coaster of a summer.
But looking at 45 in four days I know it’s all for a good reason.
Like any good sports team, we all have rebuilding years.
Thankfully my front office is solid. That’s the key. You will make a lot of decisions in your personal life but the few that really matter relate to the front office:
Spouse. How you raise your kids. Homestead. How you manage the beans.
Get that in order and you can sustain a cat 5 hurricane.
The world is fine tuning it’s approach to me. I have to reciprocate and act in kind. It took me a few extra months (years) to realize this but I finally did. The world is also adjusting its grip on a lot of older people in my life this year and that always causes a change downstream.
Do you have ruts where you think you’ll end it in a few days and come to find out, you are still in it in five years? I haven’t done that bad at life, but close and I sure know how it feels. Lots of my friends and colleagues are in flux right now. It seems like a few years ago we thought we were holding on to lighting in a bottle. It was as if life had no limits (lord knows our credit cards didn’t) and that we’d ALWAYS be here.
You know?
45 says I’m probably half over and maybe even 2/3ds over. I’m a healthy guy today, but there’s always tomorrow.
45 can wake you up. If you’re willing to listen.
I look at life a lot differently than most and I’m certainly not afraid of death or what might or might not lurk on the other side. In fact, I’d say I rank as high you can go in the no fear department. Even after kids. It comes from the years of facing death on the walk home from middle school and being a latch key kid. I’ve seen all you can bring to your scare table. It’s a weird thing I know, but true. I’m not insensitive to those that suffer or to those that have lost. Quite the opposite. But that’s the love department, not the self-realization department.
I am running the St. George Marathon (see training rehash on right sidebar on this blog) in October and I’d have to say, that if not for the do or die decision I had to make a few months back related to training and preparing, I wouldn’t be blogging with you about how it’s gonna be an all-out good year after all.
What brings you to commit with your heart and soul to 50 miles of weekly training and getting that serious new personal record time also rides in the same part of your brain that houses the ugly rut department. You see, getting off your tail to train, to quit that job, to quit drugs or booze, to divorce that gal, or to ask him to marry you usually comes from a visit in the rut department.
You either wake up or you don’t.
We all know the sleep walkers in our lives.
They think they’re Teflon and they don’t see the pain they inflict on their loved ones. Or maybe they do. But sometimes their rut is so deep there is nothing we can do but give them the love we reserve for such situations.
I’ve slept walk.
Not good.
Luckily the people in my life had love in reserve.
Maybe that was you.
Thank you.
This stuff happening right now in my life has been appealing in a lot of ways. I’ve also been able to ferret out the ones that matter. There are those that you always think will be there for you. Then they’re not. We’ve all got busy lives and to be sure I am always ready to add more lives into the fold. But I am also as easy about cleaning house. This isn’t a rag on someone I know. This is a mirror check on what Blair, Jo, and Natalie called “The Facts O’ Life”.
“…..you take the good…. you take the bad…”
You’re rebuilding?
Yep, sure am.
Feels good don’t it?
I checked real hard and I know I need changing. I am always going to be in the flux department and so are you. But what we do while we’re there is important. I apologize if there’s anyone of you that might have been mistreated or ignored.
I’m not solipsistic about things.
There’s not enough hours in the day, especially when you’re a stay at home dad and working at the same time. But I do care and I do remember I owe you that call, that document I promised to edit, that lunch where I mention your name to a big whig.
I’m on it.
If you find yourself trying to figure out who you are all the time, don’t ignore it. Know you are always going to have those questions and you will NEVER find the ultimate answer.
It’s what life truly means.
There has to be balance. If you’re good in the meat department, you will have a deficit in the produce department. You get what I mean.
The people I meet who are always in search of some perfect life will never find it. I have to remind myself I already have it and I can add more good things along the way.
The seeking and living is the best part.
See you ’round the trail….
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