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Humility
By Charles Martin | August 16, 2010
As my birthday passes this year, I want to spend a short stint on humility.
It’s a hard one.
I came from the same 60′s and 70′s when your parents were right and you were always wrong. Problem is, we aren’t smart enough to figure out what a recipe for disaster this is. This doesn’t work in the real working world of 2010. I know in fact that most of the altercations we ALL get into are based on trying to be always right and in that many times judgemental. Feelings can get permanently hurt through this.
I’ve tried swallowing this pill my whole life and it’s been a booger.
But I think I am getting her handled. That’s the good part of “old” age.
I was thinking recently about my Charles’s Life Rules [#5] that if I could just get the ability to swallow the bad stuff (saying your peace and letting go, admitting fault before it’s even noticed, being truly sorry) and go forth with the intent to be better and having learned, I would have won the day. I screw up minute by minute. but I also conscientiously work on prevention too.
That means it’s working.
It’s funny, we (1) start our days usually headed to the office but not before we are barraged by the ones we love (child/pet/spouse) needing what they need to start their day, then we (2) do finally arrive in service to our office masters and clients, please them as best we can, we (3) go home, do a 2nd version of the morning and make another fifty personality driven decisions the best we can. All that is intermixed with (4) stints at retail and public establishments by phone/email where we also do a lot of people managing.
The cards are seemingly stacked against us.
You just can’t have a 1000 batting record in this department unless you’re a monk that says three words a month.
Some of us are just plain awful at it and get worn out by it. Some of us cope but seem to be always catching up. Some of us are really good. As my other post noted, I’m on the upswing of all that and feeling like the learning curve is helping and producing new growth. I feel like I serve my fellow humans well enough by finding that happy medium when we can. After all, you can’t be a doormat. And you can also be truly and awfully sorry about something and you will find that many times that certainly it’s not enough for the other participants.
That’s ok. That’s what old age is telling you and me. It’s stunning me in fact and I am catching myself saying “that’s why age has meaning…” You can truly become more introspective if you just let it happen. That’s a good thing for A types like me.
I know you are feeling a lot of times that you play so honestly along the rule trail that when you’re dogged and lied to or treated unfairly, you want to just quit. This is how we all find our destination in life. We are always swallowing the bad stuff and deciding, in micro seconds, how we want to react to what just happened. Before we get that done, we already have many more of the same reactions needing attention. Then we just get ….. backed up.
That backed up feeling is the one where you say “I hate this life, I dislike that person, or I’m leaving that job”.
It’s coping. The solution to a better way is — I believe — driven by humbleness. Some people call it “building character”. And I agree, but it all can be defined as your base of humility.
Success ::
If you are willing to let go of the quick win, you’ll find that the longer, harder to acrue deep wins are way more productive in your personal and work life. Sitting down with someone on a misunderstanding and clearly copping to your end of it, will drive the success story. Also, I think leaving an ending that clearly shows your intent to move on and clear things up is important. This is not to be confused with an “F-U” that is one sided. I am talking about saying “…it’s ok if you don’t agree with me and I still appreciate and respect what brought us together in the first place…”
Before you chuckle, understand I think I will never learn this 100%. If I did, I wouldn’t be human. I am seeing some new light beams and I wanted you to have the privilege of it — it’s simply that.
In business, you might not be brought together but for only a transaction that requires you to be working with someone. If you know upfront this person isn’t a good match for you, then it’s always ok to mutually agree that the transaction that benefits both of you requires cooperation and then set the tone for some type of success. Mutual success. You don’t have to marry people just to agree and get something accomplished. I use this one a lot lately, but I think Peter Bregman has it right. Use “their” power to solve your mutual problem. This is a cousin of humility.
These are the people we call “easy to get along with”. And when you’re easy to get along with, you find that the [really] challenging people in your life will tend to listen better. You may not go as far as you want and that’s the humility part. The part you let go of. You also might think you’re easy to get along with, but if you’re not doing well in the smooth transactions department, you might not be.
Btw, have you ever noticed that someone you think is difficult can be mega-loved by others? So, are those other people really that much different than you or are they just managing the relationship better?
Think about it.
And don’t let them get your bonus check because they might be.
Be happy out there.
Topics: Mind and Planet | 1 Comment »
August 16th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
Loved it. Thank you